His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
