I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dick very happy bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
