He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
