Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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