school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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