I CAN MOONWALK!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
