I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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