I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
