he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
