Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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