dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
