I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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