Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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