oh god the rape fog is back!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
