I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
