LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
