what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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