DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
