omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I fill condoms, not promises.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
