I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
smell my finger.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
