I accidentally had phone sex last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
