dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
God I need to hump something, right now.
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