i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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