think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
