So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
