why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
