Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
