Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
