Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have post one night stand depression
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