She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
