I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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