It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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