Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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