can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
