So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
