my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
