I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
