when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
