Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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