she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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