I smell stomach acid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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