i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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