You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
