I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Congratulations! We have a period
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
