The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
