Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
