Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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