I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
