you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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