Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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