Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
PANTIES FOUND
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