never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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