I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
