Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize