Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
