Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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