She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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