spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
