I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
