Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
