My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
