1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
