btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
