Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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