I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
