If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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