Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
