the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
